A Girls First Time Joke

Dear Dumb Diary..

reminder : Assume you are a girl if you are a boy
------>>


It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him

off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he

approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found

the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but

he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes

and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool

smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him ;more room for an easy

entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his

time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses

;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout

your body and you feel the slight trickle of

blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too

painful.Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod

for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are

now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel

something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad

to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a

chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your DENTIST. After all, it was your first time to have

a tooth pulled.



HaHaHaHaHa



Naughty, Naughty!


What were you thinkin' ?


PERVERT

I know what you were thinking!

Kelakarlah Suami Aku nie...

Dear Dumb Diary..

Bila aku teringat balik cerita nih..aku mesti tergelak sorang-sorang…

Alkisahnya…aku nih ditakdirkanlah kawin dengan sorang mamat nih..ntah dari mana la datangnya…mak aku yang suruh..dia kata budak nih baik la alim la pandai la..lepas tu terus kami kawin.

Masa first time kawin tu, memang kucar kacir gak arr rumah tangga kami..dan yang aku paling tak tahan tu dia memang selalu saja buat aku sakit hati…

Eiiiii…geramnya aku!!!

Mana taknya,aku basuh baju dia sekali la ngan baju aku..then lepas basuh..nak jadi cerita..ada lah plak baju dia yang turun warna melekat kat baju aku….haihhh..memang sakit hati…baju baru kot…mahal lagi!!! Then bila aku tanya dia..kenapalah tak bagitau aku yang baju dia ada yang turun warna..dengan slumber dia kata..

”Lah..awat tak tanya…”

Eiii..geramnya aku!!!

Selang beberapa hari, dia ada ajak aku pi shopping.Ok,fine..aku ikut jer la…weekend la katakan. Lepas tu nak jadi cerita, dia punyalah excited nak pi shopping..sampai aku kalih kalih belakang..HILANG!!..

Aku cari gak dekat dekat area situ kot kot ada tapi memang hampeh…Aku try call, tak angkat..call lagi pon tak angkat..huhh..tension betul!! Then, aku amik keputusan tunggu kat kereta jer..seminit,..lepas tu dua minit,… lepas tu….SEJAM KOT!! Huhh..memang sakit hati betul!! Then bila dia mai dekat kereta, aku tanya, pegi mana? kenapa call tak angkat??!! Yang aku tak tahan, dia dengan slumber jawab..

“Lah..gi shopping la sayang…owh..ada call ekk?? Alah..lupa nak bagi tau…terlupa bawa hanset..hehe..”

Eiiii..geramnya aku!!!!

Seminggu lepas tuh..dia kata teringin nak makan masak ayam berempah dengan masak lemak cili api.. ok..fine…aku masak jer…Tapi memang la aku nih tak la pandai masak sangat…tapi bolehlah klu setakat nak makan kan..aku hidang bagi dia makan…Masa first time dia suap kat mulut tuh…Aku bajet dia nak kata apa-apa..Tapi dia diam..Memang tak kata apa-apa pon sampai dia habis makan..Habis makan pon tak kata apa..

Aku pon confius…dia ni no respond..sedap ka tak?? Hmm..klu ikut aku la..orang yang masak ni la kan…aku rasa ok jah lah..tapi tak tau la orang yang makan nak kata apa..huhhh…..

Esok plak, time aku on the way nak balik dari tempat keje, kereta aku plak wat hal..tak boleh start..panik gak arr aku time tuh..malam dah nih..nak masuk Isyak dah…haihh..time aku balik keje lewat2 lah keta nak wat hal..then, aku call dia…

Yang aku tak boleh tahan tu..dia dengan slumber kata..

“Lah awat la call saya…call la mekanik…ingat call saya keta awak bleh jalan??….”

Eiii…geramnya aku!!!

Tapi…dia mai jugak lepas tuh…ada lah dia check apa ntah kt depan bonet tuh…dan lepas start…terus boleh…hmmm..dalam hati…aku kata,

“bleh la jugak mamat nih nak diharap…mekanik kecil-kecilan, janji free”…

Satu hari, dia ada bagitau yang dia kena pi outstation kat overseas. Dia kata pi kejap jah…2 MINGGU!!..hmm..aku memang no komen lah…dia nak pi buat keja dia…takkan nak kata tak boleh kot…keja arkitek…biasalah…busy la kot…

Tapi..memang agak sakit hati jugak lah..bleh dia lesap macam tu jah..lepas2 naik flight....kot2 la nak call bagitau dah sampai ka..ada kat mana ka…tapi memang hampeh!!..langsung dia tak call!! Kot2 la nak bagi emel ka..tapi memang tak dak…kosong inbox!!

Eiii…geramnya aku!!!

Pagi tuh..aku basuh baju…ok..sekarang aku dah taw dah baju mana yang turun warna…aku ambik satu persatu dalam bakul nak basuh..sampai la aku jumpa bungkusan misteri dekat bahagian bawah baju-baju tuh…jeng3..huishh..siap dengan surat lagi..

Suratnya berbunyi begini :

Kehadapan isteriku (cewahhh..),

Semoga berada dalam keadaan yang sihat sentiasa…jangan marah-marah ek..hehe..Saya bukannya apa…saja tulih surat nih..bosan…tak tau nak buat apa…hihi

Pertama sekali…saya nak bagi tau lah..mungkin awak tak kenal saya..tapi saya kenal jer awak…sejak awak darjah 6 lagi kot!! Haha..eh..awak tak ingat ka anak Pak Mail kawan ayah awak yang mai beraya kat umah awak time tuh??!! …Masa tuh..saya nampak awak dok main masak-masak kat belakang umah…hahaha…memang sangat lucu…saya nampak awak macam 'anak patung'..comel sangat…

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

Keduanya, sori la pasal hal shopping tuh..memang saja jer saya tak mau bawa hanset time tuh…hihi..takot terkantoi…yer la…saya pi cari baju awak kot!! Ingat baju yang awak kata terkena warna tuh?? Huh…memang tension..susah btul nak cari..memang patut la mahal dan memang patot la awak bengang satu hari…hihi…

Ketiganya, pasal ayam berempah dengan masak cili api yang awak masak…hmm…mesti awak bengang kan sebab saya no respond…huhu…sebab SEDAPPPP SAAANGAT sampai saya jadi tak terkata…Eh,saya makan dalam masa 5 minit ja kot..ikut jam dinding kat umah kita…

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

Keempatnya…time keta awak rosak…hmm..awak tau tak saya CANCELLLL appointment saya dengan klien penting dari overseas sebab nak pi kat awak??!! Lepas2 tuh..jenuh saya nak pujuk diorang balik…Tau tak saya langgar smua traffic light merah!! Baju saya basah dengan peluh masa saya sampai kat awak??

Ishkk..awak ni..tak berasan ker??

Tapi lepas saya tahu saya kena pi outstation kt overseas..saya lagi seronok…happy glerr..sebab saya tau awak mesti rinduuu kat saya kan..kan2?? Saya memang saja jer tak call awak…hihi…tapi saya ok jah…saya rasa saya dah sampai dah kot lepas awak baca surat nih…

“Wow,look at the Eiffel Tower!! Fuyoo!!! Cantik kot!! “

Hahahahahaaaaaaaa..jangan jeles..

Last but not least…awak..awak jangan nakal-nakal ekk…sebab saya saaaaayang awak…

P/S: Try tengok sama x dengan baju awak yang rosak ari tu “bungkusan” nih…hihi..

Love,

Suamimu

credit ::dicuri dr facebook Jejupingu Unni::

B.A.R.R.E.D!!!!!

dear dumb diary........

da lamer dd x update blog nie.....too much probs occur...

here i make da list :

1. i've got barred from my strategik management class : reason???? absent more than 6 times per sem....argghhhhh! act, dd jus absent 4 times, but coz of my careless : x sign attendance for two days jdla 6....more series hapen is dd x bleh amek final exam ntuk subjek nie....kene amek smula nex sem....walawei~~~~~

2. kne marah ngan mama tersayang : coz of warning letter n barred letter da sampai umah....tp kene mrh dlm fon jer.....hehe...

1st kol from mama bler warning letter sampai >>

mama : K.de, awak kt maner nie??
me : kt uia la.....naper ma?
mama : nie ada surat sampai umah....tulis awak x dtg kelas byk kali.....kenapa nie??
me : oo... tue surat warning tue ma...*otak ligat cr alasan...suddenly..* sebenarnye ma, k.de x minat subjek tue...sem nie amek ngan senior...xder kwn nk stadi...sbb tue x semangt nk g kelas....xpe la ma.....k.de nk amik semula sem dpn ngan kwn2....dun worry k...no big deal la tue....hehe....bes gler kelentong...
mama : btul nie??? awak ni k.de....dulu pindah skolah...nie nk pindah u plak ker???
me : bleh ker ma.....hehehe...
mama : main2 plak....pandai menjawab...blajar rjin2....jgn wat org riso..... me : baik ma......*dlm hati.........legaaaaaaaaaaaaa**

3 days later......2nd kol dr mama bler surat barred plak yg sampai >>

mama : k.de, kt ner tue???
me : kt uia la ma.....xkn kt umah kot...hehe..
mama : nie da surat sampai dr uia ckp awk x bleh amek exam nie kenapa? haisy awk nie k.de....tlgla jgn buat org riso....
me : *serba slh + sedih tetibe dgr sore mama* sorry ma....tue surat barred....sm mcm surat dpt aritue....k.de kn da agtaw xnk amek subjek tue sem nie.....mama jgn riso k....sem dpn k.der amek smula...jus sem nie k.de xnk amek lg.....
mama : btul ker nie? x effect pointer?
me : effect tp mama relax k...kalo mama riso k.de pon riso kt sini...nk exam nie...nant x leh blaja plak.....huhu.....k.der janji k.de amek sem dpn....
mama : hurm....yela....jgn wat org riso dah...blaja rjn2....
me : baik ma ......... *dlm hati.....jahatnyer aku.....tp menyesal skunk x gner jgak, nasi dah jd bubur....*


so...das my 2nd prob......sgt2 bermain ngan perasaan kn.....third prob lg la sdh....want to noe...nex post k.....lenguh jari menari kt keyboard neh...later k....*sigh*............to be continue..........

PUTUS CINTA vs CARI JODOH

holla !!!

mest u all tertanya2 aper sbnrnye yg sy maksdkn ngan title post kali nie kn...hehe act while sy b'blogwalking ziarah rakan2 bloggers...sy t'bce 1 post tntg pts cinta n cari jodoh...yg menariknya diselitkan skali doa ntuk insan yang putus cinta serta ingin mencari jodoh...


so,feel glad nk kongsi ngan u all...bleh la kter sm2 apply kn...hehehe
oppsss.....gedikssss....


Doa putus cinta :



Doa mencari jodoh :


fyi...doa putus cinta or doa mengatasi kekecewaan ni bkn sj kter bleh apply untuk situasi putus cinta tp juga jika kter kecewa dgn dr sndr, pelajaran, kerjaya or swaktu dgnnya.. meanwhile, doa mencari jodoh nie hanyalah ikhtiar shj taw..jgn luper pd usaha n tawakal pada Allah...

sesungguhnya jodoh dan pertemuan adalah ketentuanNya...semoga kter dikuatkan semangat setiap kali menghadapi kekecewaan dan ujian perasaan...dan semoga kter semua dipertemukan jodoh yg sebaiknya dan secocoknya dgn dr kter yea...aminnn.....

TIROID!!!

holla readers...
kali ni sy nak share tntg tiroid pula...why tiroid???

act 2 3 hr nie i felt really sick n sakit tekak...huhu
b4 dis pn penah alami perkara yg same n doc yg sy jumper ckp sy alami symptom2 of tiroid...
apakah tiroid and symptom2 of tiroid???

TIROID adalah satu kelenjar yang terletak di bahagian hadapan leher dan menjaga beberapa fungsi utama badan. Penyakit tiroid boleh mempengaruhi hampir kesemua bahagian-bahagian badan dan juga merbahaya untuk kesihatan. Antara symptom2 tiroid :

• Denyutan jantung yang perlahan
• Otot yang lemah dan kerap pening
• Sensitif pada cuaca sejuk
• Proses mental yang perlahan dan daya ingatan yang kurang
• Sembelit
• Beguk

hampir 5 dari 6 symptom di atas sy alami... adakah sebab penyakit tiroid berlaku semula...or demam biasa??? paperpn sy belum punya masa ke klinik ntuk pemeriksaan but ill go soon...A.S.A.P...

merujuk pada artikel2 yg sy bcer tntg tirod, biasanya penyakit tiroid lebih kerap berlaku di kalangan wanita ( terutama pertengahan umur ) berbanding lelaki. Penyakit ini juga boleh berlaku semasa dan selepas kehamilan. Rawatan untuk penyakit ini bagaimanapun selamat serta mudah.

Kehilangan berat badan, sukar tidur malam, jantung berdebar kencang, mudah marah serta sensitif sebenarnya tiada kaitan dengan tekanan. JIKA berat badan berkurangan walaupun pengambilan makanan tidak berkurang tentu menimbulkan kebimbangan. Apatah lagi kehilangan berat badan berserta dengan kesukaran tidur malam, jantung berdebar kencang, mudah marah dan emosi yang sensitif.

Kebanyakan mereka yang berhadapan simptom ini akan mengaitkannya dengan cuaca, tekanan di tempat kerja, tekanan dalam perhubungan dan pelbagai lagi.Sebenarnya, tanpa anda sedar semua simptom itu adalah petanda masalah tiroid yang dikenali sebagai hyperthyroidism - penghasilan hormon tiroid yang berlebihan..

paperpn, lebih baik kter buat pemeriksaan tiroid di mana2 hospital or pusat kesihatan berdekatan...so dat kter bersedia and lebih tahu cr2 ntuk mengatasi gejala tiroid sblm terlambat kn...sy sendr sedang mencr info2 ntuk mengatasi and merawat tiroid....

my dear readers.....
take care of ur health k...even bz ngan keje or study skalipn..take a little time for ur health and body....2la pengajaran yg sy dpt disebbkan kelalaian ntuk jg kesihatan dan diri...huhuhu...

here some pictures briefly show about tiroid.....watch it k : )

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Mama..happy happy Mother's day!!

hye guys...how r u??

thanks for visiting...

urmm..tajuk entry kali sebenarnye tajuk speech for public speaking class.. fyi, dlm kelas nie ktorg kene bg speech setiap minggu n dis week kne bg speech for special occasion..so, setelah berpulun2 cr idea..i've decided nk bg speech sempena hari ibu.... disebabkn kerinduan yg teramat sgt pada mama...sy berjaya siapkan draft/outline ntuk speech nie dlm mser yg cepat dr biasa ( about setengah jam)....n prepare full speech about 15minit sblm kelas....semenya sbb kenangan bersama mama...kre speech nie mcm luahan rase hati saya untuk mama...thanx mama..ur my bes fwen forever...here, my full speech and i want 2 share it with u guys....enjoy it k..;)
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Good evening everyone....I just want to take a few minute of ur time and speak about the lovely person we are celebrating here tonight. Today, I want to pay tribute to the most important and lovable person in my life, my mother.

There's a quotation i took from one of bollywood movie;
Maa teree mamta,kitnee pyaree...kitnee pyar jagattee hai..
As the translate, Mother..how great is ur love....how much love does it awaken in me...

And i also would like to share a poem just for my lovely mother...

A Heart Just Like Mom

I may not pray often, and i may not pray enough
but when i do, this is all i ask of you..

God, please give me a heart just like hers,
she loves unconditionally, no matter what, no matter who...

God, give me courage to be like her,
she's very brave, she makes me unafraid..

God, give me wisdom just like hers,
she knows everything, big and small, she's there to help through it all...

God, give me strength just like hers,
she's been knocked down, yet she stands strong for another round..

God, give me beauty just like hers,
when she smiles it gives me feeling that everything will be okay, and my problem dissapear for a while...

God, give me generosity just like hers,
she help the helpless, she never thinks of herself and she so unselfish..

God...someday, if i am at least half the mom she was to me,
I'll know that you were listening on the day that i prayed....

Mom....thanks for deliver me safely to give me opportunity to meet you and always guide me to face this challenging world...thanks for your strength to wake up and accompany me each night when i cant sleep... thanks for lending your ear to listen my annoying voice when i want something ridiculous.. thanks for lending your shoulder each time i break up with my lover, fight with my siblings and have problems with my friends...thanks for your advice when i am confused with my complicated life...there is a lot of thing i want to thank you but it is infinity that i cant say by word...i juts can say...Mama, thanks for everything...

Mama...forgive me for each tears and pain i've made on you...there's so many thing i've made that frustrated you. i hope i can back to the past and correcting it.

Mom, you are the most precious of God's present in this world to me. May God always blessed and protect you in everything you do, every second of your life.. There no one can be my mom's substitute in this world forever.. and there's nothing can replace my mom's love forever...

A noble pure and tender flame
en kindled from above
to bless a heart of earthly mold
the warmest love that can grow cold
that is my mother's love...

Now, i would like to wish my mother happy Mother's Day and ask God's blessing on her.So she can continue her demanding role until end.

A mother's love oh so sweet,
they make all the sweet birds tweet,
i love my mother oh so much,
i indeed want her to rest during lunch,
but all i really want to say is,
Happy Happy Mother's day Mama...
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Dear readers....mother's day is not only fall on specific special day..but its fall on everyday...not just Mother's day..but also Friend's day, Father's day and so on...so u can wish it everyday...no big deal for it...chill~